“Let us cry for the spilt milk, by all means, if by doing so we learn how to avoid spilling any more. Let us cry for the spilt milk, and remember how, and where, and why, we spilt it. Much wisdom is learnt through tears, but none by forgetting our lessons.” – Maria Ramparo Ruiz de Burton, The Squatter and the Don
One of the biggest mistakes I have made in life is expecting others to treat me the same way I treat them.
Now, I know I am an imperfect being; we all are. However, as children, I’m sure we’re all taught the basic principle of doing unto others as you would have others do unto you, and I try my best to live by that principle. Surely I have bad days and may falter ever so often, but in general, I’m a pretty nice person to everyone. Sadly, I’m beginning to wonder how much is it worth being nice?
Some of my biggest mistakes:
- Never saying no
- Overextending myself to others
- Giving too many “second” chances
- Accepting fault for things I didn’t do
- Always giving the other person the benefit of the doubt
Being helpful is a good thing, but when you run yourself down doing things for other people, then it’s just unhealthy. Accepting that people make mistakes and giving them another chance is fine, but it’s just plain foolish to let the people who repeatedly make the same mistake in your life again. #FoolMeOnceShameOnYou #FoolMeTwiceShameOnMe. What’s worse is sending yourself on a guilt trip when somebody else has wronged you. Yet, all of these are things I do because when faced with situations like this, my biggest fear is disappointing the other person and having them hate me. Silly, I know, and after experiencing the negative repercussions countless times, I’ve sat down and done some thinking about all this.
There are different kinds of people in this world. Those who use you, and those who appreciate you. You can be placed in the same situation with one of each kind and have completely different outcomes. For example, helping a friend with an assignment. I would gladly help a friend in need any time I can. Even if I’m not doing the same courses as they are, I’d try to assist in any way even if it means doing extensive research on my own in order to help. I have one friend who had a late assignment to submit. Having knowledge and great interest in the topic (it was psychology related! 😀 ) I gave him valid points, explained them in my own words, and expected that he could write the essay on his own. Well, I was wrong. Not only did he just regurgitate most of what I said (without a thanks), but he also wasted my spare time because he ended up tossing the assignment aside to play video games and hope for another extension -_-
Times like this I just want to give up on humanity. Sure, this situation is not so bad, but it’s just an example (however it’s a continuous thing with that person). There are worse examples of times when I was blatantly used and it annoys me a lot to be honest. I’m a living, breathing, human being. I have feelings too, and yes, it hurts when people use me. A bit tired of it frankly. I’ve been wondering if I should turn over to the dark side and just switch off feelings so I can be a cold person.
Scenario two: another friend had endless assignments all due the same week. It happened to be my birthday week, but she set aside time to take me out for a special lunch and make my day amazing. When I learned how busy she was yet still made the time for me, I felt a bit guilty (as usual) and decided to do my part as a friend and aid her with her work. Book report due, no problem! Leave it to Nicky to help research about the author and gather as much information as possible to get quality work done on time. Of course she was eternally grateful and couldn’t stop thanking me for being such a big help.
Moments like those in scenario two are the ones that validate why I am the way I am. As I thought about it, sure, there have been many situations where people have used me then tossed me aside right after, but the rare moments when someone showers me with gratitude and I see the smile I put on their faces, those are the moments that I live for. Those are the moments that make me feel good on the inside and want to continue being a kind and helpful person. Social Psychologists may consider it to be Joy-Altruism, which essentially is the happiness gained by making others happy when you help, and perhaps they are right about that. It does create a warm feeling on the inside when you know you’ve done something meaningful for others.
If I could change anything about myself, it would be the fact that I am sometimes too naive when being kind. I give the wrong people chances, and I should sharpen my judgement. Also, to stop making decisions based on how I think others would react. I do need to learn that it is okay to tell someone no if I really can’t do something for them. I need to stop sending myself on guilt trips if I disappoint someone because of something that was out of my control, or something I simply didn’t do. However, being a kind person is not something I would change. It’s who I am, and frankly I love it 🙂
“Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion, and empathy.” – Dean Koontz
thatborderlinegirl 