Why I blog

I’ve been asked this many times before, “why are you blogging?” I’ve had colleagues show interest in reading my material posted, then to be further asked questions like: “Why do you write about mental illness?”, “Who cares to read about that stuff?” 

Sometimes I’m a little puzzled at the reaction I get. I suppose this is why I am a bit reserved when sharing the fact that I blog with the people around me. However, to my amazement, I’ve received positive feedback on this blog. I never expected to really have people notice it, however it definitely is appreciated each time someone likes, comments, or follows. It reinforces that people do care for what I write about and that this isn’t a waste. Also, some of the feedback has shown that my words can inspire others, which is the most fulfilling feeling in the world to me.

Recently, things have been becoming a bit slow on my blog. I’m definitely not being spammed by WordPress in my email as much as I have in the past few months. Perhaps this is just a slow time of year. However, in my mind, it has been translated to me being incompetent as a writer, and that I’m not good enough to continue luring people to read my work. Paranoia gradually weaves its way into my mind and slowly takes full control. I haven’t posted much lately because I fear it would just be overlooked and that nobody would care. This is when it occurred to me that I have begun doing the very thing I didn’t want to when I started out; that is, turn my hobby into work.

My intention was never to be a power blogger and have the most followers in the world, yet I became preoccupied with getting more people to follow me. To me, a person starts losing sight of the important things and their purpose when they begin obsessing over the trivial matters such as this. Of course the likes, comments, and follows all boost my self-esteem and motivate me to continue, but on the contrary, it was not the reason I began thatborderlinegirl.

I’ve had to sit myself down and reflect upon the question that I’ve been asked many times before, “Why do you blog?”

At first, I gave myself the simple answer which I regurgitate to most, “I blog as a way to cope with my depression.” However, it’s much more than just that. Yes, it all started out as a coping mechanism, but it has developed into a means of me expressing not just my pain, but also my joy… my worries/concerns, ideas… my innermost thoughts and feelings. Blogging allows me to express myself in ways I usually can’t. It gives this shy, reserved shell of a person a voice. Not only that, but the ability to better communicate with others (in person) as I have finally found a way to convey what’s on my mind. Formulating words in day to day conversations have become less of a task. Additionally, I have realised that there is a slight air of confidence around me now. Furthermore, I’ve been less bothered since I started writing again.

Upon reflection, I remembered, that I don’t blog just to be noticed. I blog as a way of giving myself a voice. A voice that can transmit messages about mental illness, specifically borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. Though, not just talk about the illnesses, but share my experiences with them. I blog so others facing similar situations in life can know they are not alone in the struggle, and despite how hard things may get, they should keep fighting because things will one day improve if we keep trying. I blog for myself; to create a map of my progress and remind myself of where I have been, where I am now, and where I strive to be. My reasons for blogging go a lot deeper than publicity. Surely I gain some assurance that my messages are being received by others when people give feedback, but that is only a bonus. It’s not the sole reason I write. I write to express, and once I unleash my very heart and soul in the form of words, I can feel a bit at peace within.

I do appreciate the feedback I have received on this blog, and do hope to get more in the future. However, I also hope to not lose sight of my purpose for blogging again.

“A blog is only as interesting as the interest shown in others.” – Lee Odden, Optimise

To all those who continue to read my posts, thank you.

xoxo

thatborderlinegirl ❤